The Clock End View

Summer Holidays

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 12:58:07 +0200

I am off on my summer holidays for a month or so,
when I return I will update the blog and give my views on preseason and the first few games of the league campaign

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Ha Ha Ha Spudz think they can get Baptista

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 21:50:05 +0200

Spurs are trying to hijack Arsenals signing of Julio Baptista from Sevilla. Apparently Spurs have bid more then Arsenal have for the Brazilian forward. It is up to Arsenal to increase the bid and leave it up to the player to decide which North London club he wants to join. I look forward to seeing Arsene unveil the beast at Highbury within the week.
Clearly any player who wants to play in the World Cup would not join Spurs over Champions League Arsenal.
Chelski have flexed their financial muscles again, they have splashed out £21m of the Russians dodgy money on SwP. This is good for Chelsea but bad for England. Chelsea play with two wide men and currently have Cole, Robben, SwP and Duff vying for two places. With Robben seemingly a shoe-in, and Duff’s a big favourite of Mourinho it would look as if Cole and SwP will be fighting for the scraps when Robben and Duff are injured.
So two potential England starters look like being on the bench for long periods next season. Now I don’t care about International football so am not bothered, but I am looking forward to seeing what journalists like Harry Harris have to say on the matter.
He is a patriotic English man who loves Chelsea’s English spirit I wonder what he will think about Chelsea hurting England’s chances next summer.

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Good Luck Paddy

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 00:17:31 +0200

Thanks for the memories Patrick.
Our skipper Patrick Vieira has agreed to join Juventus.
Good luck Paddy, I hope you knock out Manure or Cheatski in next years CL.
Paddy has been the best midfielder in the premiership by a considerable distance.
He is the complete midfield player defending and attacking with equally great skill.
Who else can tackle on his own area drive forward into midfield and play killer through balls to the forwards? Nobody that is who.
I believe the premiership will be poorer without the big fella bossing midfields up and down the country. He wont miss scumbags who go out and kick him and there have been too many of the cocks to mention, however Tim Sherwood standing on Paddy’s balls is worth a mention dirty fucking prick. Then there was the fucking shit head from Carlisle nomark who’s two footed tackle was a nasty and violent as I has ever seen.
He had some good ding dongs with Roy Keane over the years losing some, winning most and it really added to the whole Arsenal-Manure rivalry.
Paddy you are a legend and I wish you well son make us proud and I will see you at Dennis Bergkamps testimonial. Cheers.

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title-78284

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 00:52:59 +0200

Footballers who I hate.
What I hate is footballers who have caused me pain because of cheating.
Wayne Rooney is a good footballer and the whole of England loves him, for once the hype is matched by footballing ability. (Take note Beckham your lucky you were better looking then Chadwick you cunt). However I for one will not be cheering the fat pie eating, granny shagging, wife beating, cheating cunt on in the World Cup.
I truly hope Wayne Rooney breaks his legs, not in a Robert Pires way (back in 12 months never knew the difference) but in a brutal way. I hope he does a David Busst or even better steps on a land mine or two.
Why do I feel like this?

I recently watched the 50th game of Arsenals unbeaten run which of course they lost to Man U. Rooney dived for the penalty clear as you like.
He told the Arsenal players he dived as well to rub it in. This cost Arsenal the game and possibly the title. I hate Rooney for this and wish him nothing but pain and suffering because of it. Whilst the nation applauds his wonder strikes against Middlesbrough and Newcastle I could not applaud. I just felt sick that this ugly scouse twat had cost us our glory. He however is not my most hated footballer this is another cheating Manu player.
Scholes? P.Neville, G.Neville, Ronaldo? Riley?
No all those are cheats, Ronaldo dives constantly (worse then Pires, Cole, Robben), the Nevilles and Scholes brutally kick the shit out of Reyes most games. But nobody comes close to that of Ruud Van Nistelrooy.

He is a massive cheat; he is above Klinnsman, Maradona, Schumacher, Rossi, Bilic and however else you can think of in football in cheating. He has one rival in sport and it is Ben Johnson but not even Johnson cheated as much as this horse faced cunt.
He dives so much it is embarrassing he must feel ashamed of himself when he watches matches on telly I would be. He is the king of penalties he gets enough practise anyway.
He makes me feel physically sick when I see him celebrating yet another penalty like he has scored a 25 yard screamer. He also likes to act violently towards opponents.
He has elbowed Martin Keown, elbowed Lauren, stamped on Jens Lemon, punched Freddie Ljungberg, and tried to snap Ashley Cole’s leg. And he has got away with all of them bar the Ashley Cole assault which Riley missed! He gives it out but can’t take a bit of violence back. Just look at him running of the pitch after he missed his customary penalty against Arsenal in 2003. He ran of all innocent like he was being picked on. If he hadn’t jumped all over Vieira and then dive when Vieira kicked out and missed him he probably wouldn’t have got slapped about by Parlour and Lauren. He is also a homosexual in a relationship with Mike Riley who gives the diving cheating prick a penalty every game.
Oh I don’t hate all Manure players I like Giggs and Scholes ( when he isn’t hacking Reyes) and some of the time I even can admire/handle Keane! And Robbo is one of my favourite ever players. It is just Rooney and Ruud.

I could do an entire blog about his lack of technique how he isn’t fit to wear the Oranje, how he is a disgrace to Willkes, Cruyff, Neeskens, Rep, Krol, Resenbrink, Van Hanegam,Van Basten, Bergkamp,
the Van der Kerkofs, the DeBoers, Keoman, Gullit, Rijkaard, Hulshoff, Suurbier, etc etc but I wont I will just say that I look forward toseeing him cheat some more this season.

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RIP

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 23:10:54 +0200

I could talk about football but I really think it is pointless. I have recently stopped working at firm in the city
I used to get to Liverpool St at 8.50 most mornings so the train I used to get up until last week was blown up.
Now I could have been blown to fucking pieces, so I will say this to whoever was behind todays cowardly attack.
" You have to do better then that to break my city you fucking backward camel shagging cunts.
My city survived the blitz and the Ira blowing us up so we will survive your fucking best efforts you cunts.
London is the greatest city on this planet and we have a spirit which you fuckers cannot break."
You shit eating gays, LONDON will not lie down to your violence. We will survive we are fighters.

Any londoners who come across this please remember to continue doing what you have always done.
Get the tube to Leicester Square, go shopping in Bond street, go out use public transport and don't let the scum win.

R.I.P

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No News

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 19:51:51 +0200

Arsenal have had a preminary offer for the Beast turned down, the chairman is a reported to have said “It would take a crazy offer for him to leave”, now from any other chairman this would be alarming however he also said that £10m would buy Jose Reyes left boot. So if the club can come back with a slightly improved offer I am sure we can see the Beast joining the club.
Apparently he has not played enough games for Brazil to qualify for a work permit. At Arsenal we don’t worry about small issues like passports just ask Edu, Silvinho and Tomas Danilevicius!
It would be annoying if Arsenal miss out on a player who comes from a big international country, when inferior players can qualify for work permits by playing for small international countries.
Clearly the competition he faces at international level is stronger then most countries.
Battling for places with Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, Kaka, Robinho, Adriano, Juninho etc is harder then breaking into the Saudi Arabia first team.
I hope something gets sorted and things can move forward, Arsenal have made the wise decision to leave Robin Van Persie back in England for the Amsterdam Tournament, the stick RvP gets for being a Rotterdam born ex Feyenoord player from the Ajax fans has been vicious and violent in the past, with the rape investigation unresolved it is the best decision to leave him at home.

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Aliadiere to the bhoys

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 20:35:43 +0200

Jeremie Aliadiere is apparently interesting Bolton manager Sam Alladarse.
Alladarse wants to take the young Frenchman on loan for as season, he faces strict competition from the wee ginger fella at Park Head. There are other clubs who are supposedly interested but I would see those two clubs as the front runners. I would be surprised if he didn’t end up in Glasgow. Who would want to play for Bolton over Celtic? Celtic are a massive club with a huge history and great fans and a decent manager. Bolton are small shit club from a shit northern town with no history in the last 50 years and the biggest cunt outside of Old Trafford as the manager. I will as I reputedly state cities Arsene, however if he allows Jeremie Aliadiere to join that club I will lose faith in our great manager. Bolton are a violent bunch of kickers who cost Arsenal the championship in 2003 by the disgraceful way that their animals kicked three Arsenal players of the pitch. Now in defence of Bolton last season at the Reebok Bolton outfought and out muscled the Arsenal players now this is fair and legal however usually the clogging cunts just kick Arsenal all over the pitch. It makes me laugh when in his column in the otherwise excellent 442 magazine Alladarse gives out advice to Sunday league managers. He should get off his high elephant (a horse wouldn’t carry him) and tell them the fucking truth. “If you are playing against a technically superior team you must stop them at all costs, kick them off the pitch, break legs, kick their pretty boy players into next week, injure the soft southern poofters”.
But no Lardarsed hippo faced twat Allardarse gives out advice on formation, tactics etc.
He makes me sick.

But what is worse then his thuggish tactics is his gay boy bum sex love of Alex Ferguson. He is best mates with the purple nosed piss head,
“Take Ljungberg out? No problem Fergie anything for my special manger friend.”
And the way he talks about Arsenal in the papers, he makes out Arsenal get easy treatment from referees, his team should have at least one man sent off a game, and the fucking fat retard has even mentioned diving??????
Diouf and that Greek fella Gianopokolopopopopopdus are brutal divers far worse then Pires’ one dive in two seasons or that cunt Cole. Those Bolton boys dive every game in fact apart from the Manure boys I cannot think of bigger divers; Allardarse needs to stop putting carrots up Fergies bum and start eating them to improve his eyesight!
He also likes to talk about the behaviour of some Arsenal players on the pitch, now don’t get me wrong sometimes the boys can go overboard on the complaining to the ref, but if Allardarse can defend the spitting shit head Diouf then he should keep his northern, pie eating, ale drinking, mouth shut.
Jeremie don’t join the dark side go to Celtic play for a good manager not Fergies gay bitch.

Comments

Hleb signs!!!

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 19:31:33 +0200

Arsenal confirm Alexander Hleb deal.
The midfielder has joined in a deal which could be worth as much as £10m
He can play across the midfield or in DB10 position. I have seen him play a few times and have been very impressed. He should be a big player for the team.
I will never question Arsene on his transfer dealings because they have been on the whole fantastic, however why has he let Stuart Taylor join Aston Villa? For two reasons this decision is questionable, one Taylor is better then Aluminia and two Taylor is a homegrown player and there are regulations coming into force regarding quotas of homegrown players.
Cheatski have had a £30m bid for Trezeguet rejected by Juventus, clearly Cheatski are getting desperate because there are better strikers out there then Trezeguet around for that sort of money.
RvP has been released temporarily form his dutch jail which is good news. Hopefully he will be found innocent and can get back to London asap.
Celtic are closing in on a yearlong loan for young Aliadiere this will be great experience for the young french man hopefully he will flourish under the management of the wee ginger fella.
Juventus are looking towards Patrick Vieira to be Emersons midfield partner.
Blah blah blah blah.
Same old shit year in year out.

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Tottenham took the 30 pices of Silver

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 15:57:03 +0200

What a surprise Tottenham took the money. The full details aren’t yet in the public domain; however it seems to be a sum between £8-10m. There could be clauses banning Chelsea from buying any Tottenham players for a set period of time. On reflection Spurs should be super happy at the deal they managed to strike. Clearly Arnesen is not all he is cracked up to be.
He discovered Van Nistelrooy and Ronaldo did he? Well no, Van Horsey head was scoring goals for Heerenveen and was hardly an unknown and Ronaldo had gone to the 94 world cup to gain experience and was hardly a nobody.
However the proof of Arnesens ineptitude is best seen by his transfers at Spurs.
The British players he signed have all had promising reputations everyone new about Dawson, Huddlestone, Reid etc and his forte was supposed to be his world wide footballing contacts,
Spurs have two players playing in the FIFA Youth World Cup which is where the best young players in the world are playing. Compare this to Arsenals four players in the competition and it tells you all you need to know. Clearly he has a trumped up reputation and Chelsea have fallen for it. Mugs. There is only one man in England who knows the cream of young footballers worldwide and his name is Arsene. So Chelsea have their man and Tottenham have their money,
How long will Arnesene have before people question his super star signings Spase Dilevski, Timmy Atouba anyone?
I think the Chelsea mugs have been well and truly mugged of, in fact the biggest mugging since they paid £24m for Didier Dogshit.

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New Blood in N5?

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 20:02:38 +0200

Arsene Wenger has said that he hopes to conclude the signing of Stuttgart midfielder Alexander Hleb within the next few days. This is great news he will be a big boost to the squad, we are being linked to Monaco striker Emmanuel Adebayer he is 21 years old and is African.
He is tall and gangly and I can’t see why we are interested in him. His goalscoring record last season was 9 goals in 36 games this is not what Arsenal need, we need a regular goalscorer to help Thierry Henry out not a 1 in 4 man. However, I will never question Arsene Wenger in regards to young African players Toure and Weah are proof that Arsene knows this market better then most.
It seems Parma goalkeeper Seb Frey is joining Fiorentina on a season’s loan with the view to a permanent move. I think Frey is a good goalkeeper and am a little bit surprised Arsenal have never followed up the interest they showed in him over the last few years.
Lincoln City defender Jack Hobbs is definitely not coming to Highbury. The move for the imp’s youngster is off with a move to Bolton on the cards. This would suggest that the boy is a northern pie-eating, wife beating clogger who would not suit our skilful team.
Dean Ashton has announced his desire to say at Carrow Road. Ashton is a very, very good player with the sort of physique and attributes Arsenal haven’t had since John ‘lard eater’ Hartson
Was at the club I hope the club monitor his progress during the season. I also hope Sven monitors his progress because clearly he is a better option for the World Cup then Smith, Heskey, Vassell and especially that lanky cunt Peter ‘bulimia’ Crouch.

Tottenham are at the moment considering an offer from Cheatski,
From an Arsenal point of view I want the scum to go to the FA and have Cheatski answer charges over their conduct. This would be the best decision for football in general but of course, Spudz only have to worry about getting the best for Tottenham. So I would not be surprised to see an announcement from the club stating they have taking the money. Levy could prove me wrong and go to the FA as a matter of principal, but Levy, Tottenham and the word principals don’t sit comfortably together do they?

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Faria Alam Sex Secrets

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 00:47:49 +0200

Faria Alam according to London Evening Standard once auditoned for the asian version of Fame Academy.
Seeing the article and reading the quotes I quickly understood that Faria is no shrinking violet.
I decided to look through the back catalogue of Asian Babes (for research purposes you understand) and funnily enough there she is. Issue 5 Vol 2 summer special. Very interesting, very interesting no wonder Sven was so quick to get her in the sack.
And there was me calling Sven a blind cunt because he keeps picking Glenn Johnson in the England squad. All along he can see well well well. Svens still a cunt regardless. I have to go know to return the magazines to the person I borrowed them off.

" Whats that Lee? You're staying at Newcastle no problem, yes I will leave them with Craig Bellamy yes I did always know he was a little welsh wanker ok Lee thanks for the magazines bye."

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Guti a pervert? and problems at Old Trafford

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 22:33:00 +0200

A friend of mine who moved to Barcelona eight years ago just told me a very interesting tale about potential signing Guti.
Apparently the Real Madrid man is romantically involved with a lady boy which in this age of equality is fine. Except that when we play Manure he won't get stuck in like the other lads. No, not because he is gay that has never stopped Sol has it?.
No he won't get stuck in because he will be trying to shag Hong Kong Feuy on the Man Utd bench because we all know the amount of lady boys that come from that part of the world, and clearly he cannot resist titties as well as a penis to play with.

Apparently Ji-Sung Park has already caused problems at Old Trafford. He is said to have tried to cook Gary Nevilles wife.
When he was challenged by a very purple-nosed Fergie Park responded.
"Awwwww Feluguson son In my cuntry it is a delicracy to eat dog. Especially if the dog is a stlay dog.
and Woy Keane told me Mrs Neville has grate grate weputation for stlaying."

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Wigan: The Last Game at Highbury are you fucking sure?

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 19:32:33 +0200

Of all the games to close the home of football it’s typical that it would be Wigan.
The ignominy of it, a load of egg chasers gracing the last game at Highbury.

Although at least it guarantees a victory send off for the famous old ground.
With Wigan relegated not long after Easter they can turn up and get a good beating and one last moment of fame before they go back to the lower leagues where they belong.

We open with a home game against the Geordies. This is never an easy game but we should beat them. Then we have a nice trip to the Bridge and the cheating Chelskis. This is just the type of early season game we want and hopefully we can beat the fuckers.
This season we have a nice November and we might be able to win a couple of games for once.
Home games with Sunderland and Blackburn and away to Wigan, if we were ever to have a good November this is the best chance we will ever have.
However December is looking like one fucking big frozen banana skin for us to slip on.
Chelski at home along with away games to Newcastle, Charlton and Bolton.
We always fuck up against those kickers Bolton who are managed by Fergies fucking best pal, fat moaning cunt Sam Allayarse. If we can pick up take nine points from twelve we will be right in contention.

Frank Arnesen on board Abramovich’s yacht, Chelski have suggested that they are merely friends. Now this is bollocks 100% cheating Russian dodgy money laundering bought title bollocks.
I tried this excuse once and it does not work. The brother in law caught me getting into a cab outside a nightclub with an attractive blonde bird (my misses is a brunette). He stuck his head in the cab and asked, “ Who the Fuck is that?” when I replied that it was just a friend he questioned me
“ What kind of friend plays with your cock in the back of a cab?”
This of course was a good point because six months later I am still sleeping on the couch.
So don’t give me bollocks about Arnesen and Abramovich just socialising they were on that yacht to negotiate Arnesen’s contract or they were shagging each other plain and simple.

There continues to be speculation regarding Pires joining Valencia or Inter for £2-3m.
Pires is a major player for the club. Ok I don’t like his girly reluctance to tackle but he is a guaranteed 15-20 goals a season man and that is fantastic for a midfielder. If you take into consideration the entire Spudz midfield got seven gaols between them I think that puts Bobby’s contribution into perspective; except it doesn’t because Spudz are fucking shit and should be put down like a lame dog. However I would definitely keep Pires on a one-year deal with a one-year option.

I have continued to follow the Fifa World Youth Tournament and clearly the star has been young
Quincy who has dazzled for Holland I would suggest everyone takes a good look at Leo Messi of Barcelona and Argentina who could be a big, big star in the future.

Diego Maradona has joined Boca Juniors as the vice president of the technical department.
I do not know what this role will intake but I presume Maradona will be involved in the youth set up and making transfers. He is looking healthy and a lot better after doctors removed 35st of fat from his belly in a recent operation. That is approximately half the weight of Eamon Holmes or equally the weight of two small elephants.

Timmy ‘grrrrrr’ He-man has lost in Wimbledon, Oh the poor, poor housewives in Surrey what are you going to do. What with Man Utd being taken over and now Timmy losing I feel prescriptions for Valium are going to soar.

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Hiiiiiiiiii—Yaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 23:45:46 +0200

Manure signed footballer and part time Kung Fu Movie Star Ji-Sung Park. Mr Park has signed on a four year deal at the club. When questioned how he would fit in at Manure the Keorean admitted that it would be strange playing for his boyhood club .
“ Waaaahhh, wen I was a little broy in Soeul I has my ahhhh Dravid Beckham duvet cover, and now I pray at Old Trafford it is a lubbly feeling. I wronce visited Old Trafford and I wras surprise at all the Japanese at the game so I knrow I wrill fit it.”

Jung Park said his favourite player was Eric Cantona.
“wrike me Eric Cantona is a movie star, and I admire his Kung-Fu trechnique like on the football fan,
Hiya hiya chop chop chop yaaaa”

When asked if he believed he would play in the first team Park responded,
“I am not here to sell shwirts or duvet, I an here to play frootball, anywody who finks driferant will get chopped HiiiiiYaaaaaa HiiiiiiYaaaaaa.”

When asked where he will play, Park said
“I can play up front or in the mridfield. On the left and on the light.
I leally love to be the striker, punch, kick, punch, kick”

What squad number would you like to have?

“I rood love to wear #10 but Luud Ran Nistellooy wears this wun,
So I wrill wear #34.”

Number 34 why that number?

“You knrow Peaking Duck writh lice.”

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Taken from a contacts magazine.

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 19:41:31 +0200

Wealthy, slightly chubby teenager seeks mature ladies for sexual relationship.
Despite my lardiness I have good stamina and can take you out to the bingo,
Or for fish & chips if you prefer. The elder the better please, minimum 75 years old.
Looks are not important. I have been told I look like a film star (one from Shrek).
My boss said I could take his wife but I can’t afford the alcohol he wants in return
(The Scottish and Newcastle Brewery).
I don’t care if you smell of piss and have no teeth in fact I would prefer this.
If you want to meet up I will give the misses a slap and send her off shopping in New York.
Love Wayne
xxxxx

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Guti to Arsenal?

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 19:35:14 +0200

This morning when I read that Arsenal were bidding for an out of favour Real Madrid midfielder Guti I was interested until I sawn the asking price. Arsenal will never sign a 28 year old player for £8m, unless the player is exceptional which Guti clearly isn’t. There is interesting news from Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan has told Andy Johnson that he will stay at the club regardless of Johnson’s wishes. This is a bold move from Jordan, he knows that AJ is on a long-term deal and is determined to keep him. Jordan has a reputation for being a knob but he is someone who sticks up for club and does what he thinks is best for the club. Jordan seems to blame Sven for taking AJ on tour where AJ’s head was turned. I don’t know about that but I do believe that Sven has screwed Southampton, because if Peter ‘Im a long string of piss’ Crouch leaves because he needs to play Premier League football. Southampton can lay the blame solely at Sven’s door. Crouch has no chance of going to the World Cup and Sven picked him to make numbers, so Southampton might lose a player because of Sven’s dodgy selections. Luis Figo is in talks with Newcastle I am surprised that isn’t joining Manure because he could be a great help to Rooney, Scholes, Van Nostrils and of course his compatriot Ronaldo (pretend one) in perfecting the already excellent Manure diving technique. In fact he should just retire and become the full time diving coach at the Nike Park Trafford Bowl.

It has been announced that Gabriel Heinze has been voted the Manure player of the season.
According to sources Mike Riley is said to be very, very unhappy with the only coming second and is contemplating leaving the clubs payroll. However I can reveal that a signed squad shirt is on the way to Mr. Riley plus an improved contract for next season.

Contract details of Mike Riley.
Basic £2000pw
Penalty awarded at for Man utd. £50,000
Bonus if Penalty is against Arsenal. £100,000
Avoiding giving a penalty against Man utd. £25,000
Avoid sending off a Man utd player. £25,000
Sending off an opposition player. £50,000
Bonus if Arsenal player is dismissed. £150,000

If five penalties are awarded to Man utd you and your good friend Ruud Van Nistelrooy
Will be given access to Mr. Glazer’s Hawaiian Holiday home for two weeks during the close season.

It is alleged that Media Loving cunt Graham Poll is jealous of Riley’s extraordinary wealth and has demanded show down contract talks with his paymasters as Chelsea. He is arguing that he should be on more than Riley because Abramovich has more money than Glazer and he contributes as much to Chelsea as Riley does to Manure. A secretary at Chelsea, whom was tapped up by the offer of a plasma screen TV from local rivals Fulham, said that no one could comment at the club. Apparently the senior officials are in Milan talking to Adriano. When it was pointed out that Adriano is in Germany with Brazil, Kenyon admitted, “ We are in Birmingham tapping up Emile Heskey who we believe will teach Drogba how to score”.

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HAPPY D-DAY

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 20:33:00 +0200

It has been a good couple of days for any cricket fans out there, I can’t recall the aussies ever losing four games on a week, I thought only Arsenal in November do that.
If anybody is not aware today is the tenth anniversary of the biggest signing in the clubs history.
Dennis Bergkamp joined for £7.5m for Inter ten years ago and what a decade it has been.
Dennis has proved to be the BEST player the premiership has seen, the most gifted player to grace Highbury and it is fitting that his final year will be Highbury’s final too. Hopefully Dennis can produce some more memorable moments for us this season and go out in style.
Craig Bellamy is apparently going back Newcastle with Souness being given the final say whether the little Welsh prick stays or goes, I think that if Bellamy starts the season at Newcastle, Souness won’t. Newcastle are looking at Luis Figo if he plays for Newcastle it will prove what every Barcelona fan would tell you Figo is a greedy fucker. He is 32 and should be looking to play at the highest level for as long as possible not looking for a payday with Newcastle.

The mighty Spurs are after Figo as well, Martin Jol sees Figo as the missing piece to enable the team to win their first title since 1961.
“ He will be brilliant alongside Rivaldo feeding the ball to Ronaldo linking with Riqueleme and arguing over free kicks with Zidane”
With this Jol was gently reminded that none of these players actually play for Spurs and that he will have to make do with footballing giants like Andy Reid, Reto Ziegler and Shawn Davies.
“ Curse those pesky rumours linking big players to Tottenham clearly I will get over the disappointment that is reality by buying a new mediocre English player.”

Good news for everyone is that Eamon ‘ I just can’t resist choclate’ Holmes is off the airwaves until September thank God.

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Spurs: Young players

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 23:15:44 +0200

What is happening at Spurs? It seems that every young English player around is ending up the lane. This is good for Spurs but no good for English football because English players need to be playing European football and this will obviously never happen at Spurs because Spurs are quite clearly shit. Things are looking good regarding Alexander Hleb, as it seems that he has been given until Monday to make up his mind to stay or leave Stuttgart. He wants to play champions league football and Arsenal will offer him much better wages, so he should sign for Arsenal within the week. If anyone has been watching the World u20’s Tournament they cannot fail but to have been impressed by Quincy who has been in great form for Holland. He has made good progress and should feature more often next year especially if things do not go well with Robin Van Persie.
It seems that Real Madrid have all but tied up Santos’ starlet Robinho. It is a shame because he would make a huge contribution to the team even if he is a little bit lightweight. With Wenger you never know and until he is 100% signed up as a Madrid player then I still have hope. There has been no news yet on a goalkeeper coming into the club. We definitely need a keeper to come in as back up to Jens. I cannot believe that Tottenham’s and England No1 was on trial at the club before he went to N17. How on earth didn’t he get signed? It is crazy he would have been perfect and a player for at least 10 years. However he is a bit fat and we don’t won’t pie eaters at the club. Wenger probably thought Robinson would jeopardise the Emirates stadium finances by eating his way through millions of pounds worth of burgers and pies.
I am a bit surprised that Stuart Taylor was never given an extended run in the team because he proved during 2001-2002 that he is a capable keeper and worthy of a first team place.
I know for a fact that Bob Wilson believed Taylor to be better then Seaman at the end of Seaman’s career and that it was only Seaman’s experience which gave him the edge.
I mean even if Taylor was not the answer he was surely better then Shabban, Warmuz and Aluminia and should of got a chance, especially with Graham Stack’s future still up in the air.
A club with the goalkeeping tradition of Arsenals Kelsey, Wilson, Jennings’ Seaman) be allowed to have such shit as Aluminia as the second choice keeper he is a fucking joke much worse then the pair of clown Manure had last year much worse.
I wonder if Arsenal will loan out Seb Svard again this season, I for one think he can do a job this season although he is probably best in the middle of the park and we are strong there with Vieira, Gilberto, Fabregas, Flamini and probably Hleb but a season filling in here and there is better then a seasons loan to Scandinavia. Seb is one of a few good young players who will be hoping to push on this year. Other youngsters to make a big impression will be Eboue, Lupoli if he bulks up, Ryan Garry, Ryan Smith, Djourou and Justin Hoyte. It will be interesting to see Ryan Garry because after an impressive debut against Southampton at the end of 2002-2003 he has missed the best bit of two full seasons with terrible injuries but he returned to the reserves towards the end of the season and by all accounts looks nice and sharp. He will be looking to get some first team games under his belt this year. One youngster who will probably have to leave the club is Jeremie Aliadiere unfortunately he seems to pick up injuries more easily then Darren Anderton and will probably move on in order to play regular first team football, it is a shame because he is a very good player and a real goal scorer but he needs to play or to leave and will probably leave.

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This is a dark day for the game of football.

Tue, 14 Jun 2005 22:21:01 +0200

Today

World Cup Golden Boot winner Davor Suker has been questioned over the assassination of a prominent Croatian Football agent and former business partner of the former Real Madrid and Arsenal striker.
The Clock end View can exclusively reveal that police in Zagreb have now eliminated Suker from their enquiries because as one police officer claimed
“We know from Davor’s time in England that he could not have killed this man.
He surely would have missed.”

Arsenals young forward Robin Van Persie has been arrested in Rotterdam over an allegation of rape. Now it is clear that Robin can be a bit of a hot head at times but can he be guilty of rape I hope not. I find the timing of this allegation puzzling to say the very least. This has come just days after Robin made his first real breakthrough in the Dutch team scoring his first goal and making two others in the 4-0 win over Finland. Now I may be cynical but doesn’t this type of allegation come around fairly often? It is common knowledge that young women go out to try and bag a footballer just look at Rooney’s bird she is on a bundle, magazine deals fashion shoots etc. When without the influence of the wobbly chested one she would be still working in Tescos. So it is clear that a footballer is a cash cow and a ticket to easy street, look at ugly footballers who manage to get decent women. I could give you dozens of examples but instead I will say only two words ‘Luke Chadwick’ this man who closely resembles an aborted monkey fetus has got an attractive girlfriend her shame is seemingly limitless. So my theory goes like this:

Robin is out in Rotterdam with a few pals they are spotted in a bar by a group of girls, they have a drink etc etc. This women possibly a prostitute goes back to RvP’s hotel room. They have sex he kicks her out, she gets the hump and makes up an allegation against him. Why go back to his hotel room? To view his fucking stamp collection?
Obviously if RvP is guilty of rape then I hope the appropriate action will be taken against him but some how I doubt this case will even go to court.

Possibly even worse then the last story is the alarming allegations being made against legendary boozer George Best. Now George might be a dirty old piss head, a donor waster, a wife beater, a women beating drunken old soak. But a child abuser no way.But I hope for footballs as well as Georges sake this accusation of sexual assault against a child is false.
Let’s not forget that he was for a few years one of the best players in Europe and it will be a sad sad day if George gets jailed for such an offence. I may knock him time to time but I hope he gets found not guilty.

Still no news regarding transfers into the club as yet, I still think we will sign Hleb and those Owen rumours won’t go away. We all know he is not a Torres or Robinho but he will score goals in the team and the type of scruffy goals that Dennis and Thierry just don’t score. Thierry is going to extend his contract for another two seasons, what a shame all players aren’t as loyal as Thierry.

One other point Jesse Jackson was saying that there was a racial agenda behind the Wacko Jacko trial, why is a prominent black activist sticking up for a white man????

please visit www.sportsoffensive.com
it is very funny.

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Real Madrid and Henry

Tue, 14 Jun 2005 00:58:15 +0200

Real Madrid are upto their old tricks again.
This year its Henry, previously its been Vieira, Wenger, Anelka etc
They are a disgraceful club who act irresponsibly and hide behind the Spanish Goverment who favour them so much.
The fact is they are believe they can carry on regardless and in reality they can.
Look at the the time when the club got themselves got themselves into a phenomenal amount of debt Chelsea level debt in fact. They cleared their debts of $250m by a dodgy deal by dodgy business men so then they are not to unlike Chelsea except that Chelsea's debt was cleared by just one dodgy business man doing a crooked deal.

So they are going to try the usual and unsettle the club to try and get Henry.
Well they are wasting their time and should really just fuck off and concentrate on selling Beckham bed covers to China and leave Arsenal alone. They are a shit team on the way down and offer nothing to the game. The history of this super club is flawed winning European Cups when no one took the tournament seriously. And as for their success in Spain just look at the evidence from the Di Stefano transfer, the bribing of refs the intimidation of rival players etc.
I am sure that they wont get Henry because he is a politically aware footballer who will not join a right wing, corrupt, morally bankrupt club. If he does go to Spain whivh he won't then he should go to Barcelona who are a proper club with a proper heritage and a real history not one bought by a dictators whim and fancy.

But Henry will start next year at Arsenal. He is married to an English girl, has a child and has a great lifestyle in lovely Hampstead so why would he move at all?

Things seem to have gone quiet on the transfer front but I'm sure we will see new faces at the club by the start of the season.
Good news from the club regarding Robin Van Persie it seems are young super striker wants to stay with us for the forseeable future.
This is great news and I believe he could be a massive player for us next year.
By the way congratulations to England on thrashing the Convicts
brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and just a quick reaction to the Wacko Jacko case.
I think he was guilty and has done a Chelsea ie Got away with it.

Apart from Eamon " I am a fat Cunt " Holmes he is my least favourite celebrity. For legal reasons I must say that Eamon Holmes has not or is not being accused of any sexual misconduct with any minor, or anyone well just look at him, you wouldn't would you the fat cunt.

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The Demise of a giant

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 22:00:04 +0200

Last night Iron Mike Tyson embarressingly lost to Irish journey men Kevin McBride
It should herald the end of an era with Mike hanging up his gloves. But sadly due to his monumental debts Mike Tyson will fight again. He is heavily in debt to the tune of about $16 million this means I fear we will see Iron Mike in the ring again.
He has come out and said that he hasn't got the hunger to fight anymore, but with the IRS on his back he does not have much choice.

Sports stars who give themselves nicknames like
Paul Ince 'The Guvnor' look like twats when after a hard tackle they resort to kicking and moaning to the ref.

However Mike Tyson was the baddest man on the planet he was a devestating force of nature
an absolute powerhouse of destructive punching. He won the World title at 17 years of age after knocking out Trevor Birbeck and from then up until he lost in Tokyo to James Buster Douglas was an unbelievable sight to behold he destroyed fighters in a throw back to the Louis Marciano days.
My favourite Mike Tyson moment was when he blitzed Leon Spinks in 90 seconds phenomenal stuff.
Away from the ring Mike wants to become a missonary in Africa or there is talk of him fighting in Japan in the multi combat events.

Personally I would see this as a good option as hopefully he could kick the fucking life out of that fat cunt Eamon Holmes whom I exclusively revealed was moving to Japan to become a Sumo.(see yesterdays blog)
This would be good for Mike and would help out his finances as I know that there would be millions of Brits who would pay $50 to see Holmes get a right proper shoeing.

For anyone who wants to see a funny web blog please go to

http://spaces.msn.com/members/ManchesterBuccaneers/

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Sympathy for the Devils?

Sat, 11 Jun 2005 20:50:45 +0200

Manchester United are clearly a club in crises.
The whole Glazer affair is bad for football on the whole not just for Manure. We can all agree that Glazer is at the club to make a monetary profit pure and simple, he is going to squeeze the club to achieve this which is fine.
The problem will be if he breaks up the collective television agreement and goes alone. This has happened in Italy and it hurts the smaller clubs. For football on the whole this will be bad news because Manure will obviously get more money then a Fulham or West Brom which will further the gap between the rich and poor.

I was listening to Christopher Eccleston who plays docter who. He is a manc and was talking about his offer of money to buy shares to prevent the take over from Glazer through the shareholders utd group. He was willing to put in around £10k to help out.
This makes me wonder where all of the other celebrity Manure fans were.

You know the ones cunts like Zoe Ball (life long fan you know), Mick Hucknall (fat ginger cunt), James Nesbitt (always banging on about Manure) and Terry Christian (junkie looking manc) where was there contribution to save the club.
But the biggest literally culprit was the BBC's Eamon ' I've an eating disorder' Holmes. This is the man who cannot help but talk about Manure and how great old purplenose is. He said today that Glazer is ruining the greatest club in the world. Why didn't he dip into his fortune and help out?

Perhaps it is money?
But I can reveal he is very wealthy.
Well after he was mechanically removed (by a crane) from the gmtv studio he was given a golden hello to join the beeb.
He must be on £250k a year just through his salary.

He is a significant shareholder at Crispy Creme Donuts
and the share price has increased as quickly as his bulging waistline leading to increased wealth.

He is actually a turncoat because I can reveal he has been seen at Carrow Road.

He said, " I am not a Norwich City fan, I am a die hard Manure fan. I only attend Norwich City because Delia's food is better then the shit pies at old trafford."

So why didn't he contribute to the coffers of shareholders united?

The Clockend View can exclusively reveal the reason behind fatboy Holmes reluctance to contribute.

He has sold up and moved to Japan to take part in the cult television show TAKISHIS CASTLE as a sumo

altough my sources in Japan tell me that he will have to lose about 20 stones because he currently won't fit onto even wide screen televisions which are popular in Japan.

I have sympathy with the proper Manure fans who are being hit with a 54% increase in ticket prices over 5 years.
However can any gooners out there remember the mancs singing 'were so rich its unbelievable' after they floated in the early 90's. This is what I remember when I think of feeling sorry for Manure fans. They were quick enough to rub their wealth in our noses so they can go and do a Leeds, fucking wankers.

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Transfer News

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 22:11:20 +0200

So Liverpool are into the Champions League and quite rightly in my opinion.

Ok back to important matters

Just seen young Quincy play for Holland u20 against Japan
obviously Japan are shit but he played out of his skin, the skills were there but with more of an end product, he is another massive prospect full marks to the club for picking him up.
Unlike the Police who picked him after the PFA awards

I wonder if we will sign Hleb this is turning into one of those boring 'will he won't he' sagas. I think he will be a big addition to the squad and I hope he joins. He can play right across the midfield or in the hole DB10 style so would definately make an impact.

Jack Hobbs from Lincoln is another player we are being linked to I do not know anything about him but have heard he is a tidy player and if the price is right should be a good addition to the squad.

We are being linked with a lot of goalkeepers and possibly missed a trick with Van der Sar who on the whole (Reyes' goal apart) struck me as a top drawer keeper.
We definately won't Robert Green. Wenger will never buy a keeper from East Anglia after Richard 'CATCH THE FUCKING BALL' Wright. We are being linked to Sebastian Frey for what yet another summer if he was so good we would have bought him by now. We were looking at the Lisbon keeper Ricardo but after his Almunia impression in the Uefa cup final we can certainly forget about him.
In that final the CSKA keeper Akinfeev looked steady and secure and really young so could be one to watch.
I have a feeling that we will start next season with Jens Lehmann and get a new keeper after the world cup.

The Inter midfielder Emre is available for about £5 million he is an excellent player who could bridge the gap left by Edu. However there is no point buying if it will hinder to amazing progress of Flamini and Fabregas so I would be suprised if we got him. We cannot afford Torres unfortunately, or Robhino but look good with Robin Van Persie, TH14, DB10, Reyes and if he is fit Aliadiere.

However I can imagine the club suprising the fans by signing a big big star. Lets not forget that we are coming upto the 10th anniversary of D-day. On the twentieth of June 1995 we signed Dennis which came out of the blue. So it could be time for another massive signing
hopefully anyway!!

I haven't mentioned Colegate but he can fuck off because Clichy has already shown he can do the job and he isn't an arrogant little twat wanting stupid money. I say blame the girlfriend what is it with shit girl singners that fuck up footballers?

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Robin Van Persie

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 21:42:40 +0200

The new Bergkamp

Anyone who saw his performanece for Holland against Finland will be feeling very excited about the new season.
He only came on for 15 minutes but was outstanding
Robin bagged his first goal for theoranje and played a role in two further goals after replacing Van Horseyface.

He has shown that he has the technical ability to play the DB10 role, he has a lovely calm easy way with the ball unlike his temper! However he has that spite and needle that you need. I think he will have a massive season and provide the goals to help Henry. Reyes it seems will stay but I see his future being wide left because the Van Persie and Henry partnership looks good and will blossom this year hopefully.

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